Everyone has a worst fear. For some, it’s standing high above the ground staring at the possibility of gravity dragging your body back to the earth. For others, it’s being trapped in an elevator with ten other people, barely breathing, waiting for the firefighters that seem like they will never come. And then, there are those who are afraid of too many things to narrow them down to the worst.
For me, I didn’t realize what my worst fear was until my dad jokingly pointed it out to me when we were driving home the other day. I had always thought my worst fear was of death, or the matter in which I will die, but I don’t think that’s really what scares me the most, although both of those fears can be pretty menacing if you think about them for too long. But no, the thing that scares me the most in this world is the thought of being forgotten, for me to leave this earth and it be like I never existed.
To some extent, I think everyone is afraid of the idea of being forgotten, to know that your memory will be lost as more and more of the people you knew and loved die. And so often it seems the only way to make sure you’re remembered, or you’re remembered for a longer amount of time, is to get your name out in the world. For people to know who you are and recognize you for what you do. Some people think that means you have to be the next Jennifer Lawrence or the next Bill Gates, but there are different levels of fame and they don’t all include living under a microscope.
My dad once told me there are many worlds to this one we call earth, and each person lives in his or her own, possessing the ability to control how far that world may stretch.
In life, most people want three things: love, happiness, and success. So in a way, the world is filled with billions of people trying to conquer and rule their own individual worlds.
I guess in my world, my small regular world, my ultimate conquest would be getting one of my books published. Originally I thought the only reason I wanted a book published was because I love to write, and that’s what writers do and aspire to; but I think there is also a part of me, a big part of me, that wants people to know who I am, to read one of my books and relate to my words, to have a physical copy of my written work that will stay on this earth and be remembered long after I am gone.
I think what I really desire, what a lot of us really desire, is proof. Something to prove that we had lived, and we had lived well. Something to say, I was here.
Picture courtesy of http://www.reallifeglobe.com