Like most children, I worshipped the ground my parents walked on. I put them on a pedestal, and I thought that if I was just like them I could stand on one too. I hung on to their every word like they were engraved in the bible. Thunder meant God was bowling and the stork had dropped me on their doorstep when they decided they wanted to have a child, all because they said so.
I was always so enwrapped in the idea of my parents, these two perfect people in a perfect marriage, that it took me so long before I realized they were flawed. And when I was forced to open my eyes—because I would have happily and willingly remained ignorant—I couldn’t handle what I saw. I couldn’t handle the fact that they were just human, and I kind of hated them for that.
I blamed them. I expected them to be perfect. And in a way, they let me believe that they were, even though they were just trying to set a good example for me. They didn’t do anything to dissuade my view of them.
They were always there—at every game, at every award ceremony, always willing to listen to me when I needed to talk. They had the perfect marriage—out of all my friends I was the only one with parents who were together, who still said I love you every time they said goodbye or held hands while walking down the street. They had the perfect life—happily married for more than two decades, owned a dental practice together, had two bright and motivated daughters.
But after a series of events, there was no ignoring it anymore. They weren’t, and aren’t perfect—because there is no such thing as perfect people or a perfect marriage or a perfect family.
My parents have made mistakes, lots, and I’m still trying to forgive them for the ones they have made. But I too have made mistakes and will make a lot more, but I know they will always forgive me because I’m their daughter and they love me; and I will forgive them, because they’re my parents and I love them. And that’s the thing about loving someone, no matter how many times they mess up, if you love them enough, you’ll find a way to forgive them.
And I hope they know I’m sorry. I’m sorry for expecting them to be more than just human.